Bank of Kagutsuchi
by Writing Jet
Summary: Ever seen Bank of Hollywood? This is what happens when it's 3 AM, ate too many sweets and decide to see how it would go with Blazblue characters. Rated T because of Language. Read with caution. To be continued?


If you've ever seen the show "Bank of Hollywood", you'd know it is a show where people can try top plea with three celebrities to gain money to fund their dreams or projects they couldn't otherwise. While the show has it's emotional and serious moments, the funny thing of the show is seeing outrageous claims like installing a Jacuzzi in a treehouse, or money to spread "Laughter Yoga". Well, while watching this show I got the sudden idea in my head, "What would this show be like with Blazblue Characters?" so I decided to give it a go.

* * *

"WELCOME, MY DEAR AUDIENCE, TO BANK OF KAGUTSUCHI! I, YOUR HOST, BANG SHISHIGAMI, WISH YOU ALL THE VERY BEST WHILE YOU WATCH THIS SHOW! *cough, cough, cough* Ahem…Excuse me, I got carried away."

As Bang said this, a giant disco ball came out of the ceiling, possibly to create a more…lively atmosphere? Bang seemed satisfied with this. The audience of Kaka Kittens, Carl Clover, and some of the members of Orient Town seemed to enjoy the techno that suddenly engulfed the room. The judges' panel seemed uncomfortable.

"Speaking of the judges' panel, MYSTERIOUS NARRATOR MAN, Let me introduce the hosts for those who've never watched this show! One of the 4 richest of Kagutsuchi…an applause!"

And so, the judges began introducing themselves one by one.

"My name is Rachel Alucard. While charity has never been one of my favorite activities, the little money required for the amusement this show brings me is worth it. Please try not to bore me."

"…My name is Jin Kisaragi. I am the obligatory cynical bastard that probably hates you."

"My name is KOKONOE, PROUD SCIENTIST! Muahahahahahaha! Today better be good!"

"My name is Hazama. I honestly just entered this show to say No to various people, the faces they make!"

The crowd let out a roar of applause, and disgust, as Bang took out a small card from his pocket.

"VERY WELL. The first guest for today is a kitten from the Kaka clan! Give a round of applause to TAOKAKA!"

Bang's throat must've been incredibly strained, Carl could swear he saw -something- come out of his throat…and his clothes seemed to be suffering somehow. But nevertheless, a yellow blurb of light dashes across the room…and then hit the floor. All that could be seen was a laughing Taokaka doing snow angels in the concrete floor. The kittens in the audience roared in approval, and Taokaka, somehow, made the peace sign with her paws.

"Enough of this frenzy, kitten. What brings you to Bank of Kagutsuchi?"

"Well, you see meow. Because the guys above our town have been building SO MANY GREY THINGS MEOW, there is like NO SKY in our town! Only a napping stop, meow. I would like to request 5000$ to pay the law guys and the construction guys to open up some holes so that sun can enter our homes meow!"

The Kaka kittens did an standing ovation.

"…Hmph, so let me see if I get this. You want MY money to smash up holes in the floor?"

"…Well, yes, mew."

"…Given that I fancy smashing things, you have a Yes from me."

"THE KISARAGI-MAN HAS DECIDED! THAT'S ONE YES!"

"Don't call me that or I'll fire you."

"JIN KISARAGIIIIIII"

But that was a story for another time, it was now time for Madam Alucard to decide. She seemed to be pondering something…but what?

"Hmm, you would be using our money to change the infrastructure of the entire city…Which could cause some commotion and change the status QUO severely due to more open access to the Kaka Town…"

"Meow? I didn get what'cha said meow!"

"Sounds entertaining, I approve of your request."

"MEOW! THANKS BUNNY LADY!"

And now, it was time for Hazama to vote.

"I hate kittens, so no."

The entire crowd roared in disapproval, and some even threw tomatoes at him. But nothing they did changed his demonically evil smile of satisfaction at complicating the wishes of the well-intentioned glutton. So now, the fate of this project depended on Kokonoe.

"Hmm…Jubei would like this, and at the same time this would disrupt the NOL…but at the same time…I dislike the Kakas so much…But…but…Taokaka is my…my friend…"

"Cat Lady? Are you okay?"

"YOU HAVE A YES! CRUSH THAT SHIT DOWN!"

The kittens from the audience went into a frenzy, leaving their seats to hug Taokaka for making their town a better place. All of the audience seemed to be happy with the result. Bang even shed a manly tear at the scene, and Carl was very happy for his feline friend. As Taokaka left the stage, it was time for the next contestant.

"AND NOW! A GRADUATE FROM THE NOL ACADEMY , NOEL VERMILLION!"

Noel walked shyly across the panel, with her head towards the floor.

"I…I want to request money to open my own Restaurant…"

Bang and Carl suddenly felt like throwing up after remembering her "Pufferfish with peppers and spices."

Hazama, in a first for the show, stood up.

"Yes. Yes yes yes that food was delicious you have a yes!"

"FOR THE WOMEN OF IKARUGA, IN THE FIVE YEARS THIS SHOW HAS BEEN RUNNING HAZAMA HAS NEVER GIVEN A YES!"

"T-Thank you, Captain…"

But then Jin stood up.

"You all know what I am gonna say and it's a No."

Noel didn't even flinch, she saw it coming since she saw he was a judge. But now, it was time for Rachel to vote.

"You child, I would never say no to someone trying to pursue a better lifestyle…however…I have had the "Honor" of eating your food…and it is definitely exotic. I will give you a yes…but promise me you will improve on your culinary skills."

"Y-Yes, I have been doing so all this time!"

"AND IT'S A YES! ALL DEPENDS ON KOKONOE NOW! WILL MISS VERMILLION MANAGE TO PURSUE HER DREAMS? OR WILL THE JURY GO INTO A DEADLOCK?"

"Okay like, I don't know what the shit I'd be giving money for. Vermillion! Do you have like a sample of the things you cook or something?"

"Y-Yes! The receptionist said this could happen, so I prepared my improved Pufferfish with Peppers and Spices!"

Carl, Bang, Jin, Taokaka who was now at the audience, and Rachel instantly flinched.

"K-Kokonoe…I know we do not have the best of relationships but I am telling you, do not do it! It is not worth the experience!"

"Oh shut your trap rabbit. It can't be that bad."

Kokonoe took a piece of the dish and bit it….

_***BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH BLA COUGH BOOM KERPLASH BLAEAAAAAARGH***_

After the smoke vanished…Kokonoe was gone.

"K-Kokonoe!"

"HYAAARGH! KOKONOE HAS SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!"

Bang's clothes suddenly exploded, leaving only his underwear in plain view. People's eyes began to bled.

"MY EYES! M-Y-E-Y-E-S!"

"You child! What have you done! I withdraw my Yes! Your Restaurant is a nuclear hazard!"

Noel couldn't believe what she had done, and left the show crying. With a judge now nuclear dust and everyone's (Barring the judges') eyes bleeding, it was only natural that the show had to be temporarily canceled.

"I-I APOLOGIZE TO THE OTHER CONTESTANTS! THEY CAN COME BACK NEXT WEEK! THE SHOW WILL BE CONTINUED LATEEEER!"

As fire burst from behind Bang, the camera exploded. The fate of the show's audience unknown.

* * *

"…Hmph, useless."

"Well, it was certainly entertaining."

"I said Yes for a reason, you know…"

"M-MY CLOTHES!"

* * *

And there we go. Boy I need to stop writing this late. May be continued if Bang fixes the studio.


End file.
